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Fibre, Football and CAPS LOCK RAGE: Digital Voices 25/08/2012

This week’s Digital Voices round-up features sage advice and shouting about football, fibre broadband rollout and a woeful attempt of trolling by someone who didn’t realise that giving us your real email address means we know who you are.

Digital Voices is our weekly collection of the best of the chatter from the comments reproduced here every Saturday and framed by our witty insights. If you’ve got an axe to grind with your ISPs customer services, want to know why fibre to the cabinet isn’t cutting it or you just fancy getting involved in a flame war then this is as good a place as any to start.

Fibre, Football and CAPS LOCK RAGE: Digital Voices 25/08/2012

Telling It Like It Is comment of the week – BT announces locations for 330Mbps FTTP on demand

Much as we’d like it to be the case, a nationwide FTTP/FTTH rollout programme isn’t on the cards right now. Blame BT, blame Ofcom, blame the EU, blame Margaret Thatcher. Blame tall Venusians. FTTP for all should happen, but the reality is it’s not going to anytime soon.

We recognise that with FTTC, we’ve got a halfway house service. With Fibre to the Cabinet, subscribers are still plagued by the old ADSL issue that sees speeds over traditional copper broadband decreasing over distance.

However it’s a means to an end. We doff the cap to one Timalay who spake in the comments:

“FTTH would have been a even more gigantic waste of money. It’s not financially viable to roll out a fibre connection to every home in UK. FTTC is more like a stepping stone to FTTP.”

FTTC won’t bring superfast speeds for everyone. But it’s a step in the right direction. Once the FTTP On Demand programme is up and running, hopefully we’ll see ISPs offering proper next-gen fibre to customers.

Football Crazy, Chocolate Mad comment of the week – Gary Lineker may transfer from BBC’s Match of the Day to BT Vision

Rumours persist that Gary Lineker will sign on to become the face of BT’s rumoured football channel. BT Vision won’t be playing host to any live Premier League kickabout matches until next year – but a year is a long time for the Internet Rumour Mill to do its thing.

If Lineker does do the unthinkable and jump ship from Match of the Day, we imagine John Shepard will explode in a shower of happiness and quotation marks:

“Please let this be true! Take “terrible defending” with you, and “I’ll state the obvious Shearer”. For a lovely bonus, also remove “Who needs a facelift?, boring Lawrenson”.”

Meatbag Trolling comment of the week – 80Mbps fibre broadband opened to all UK broadband providers

PedroRoberto who is of the opinion that while superfast broadband rollout is generally a Good Thing but doesn’t think that the gear and equipment in people’s homes are yet up to handling the faster speeds:

“Hardly anyone will benefit from these high broadband rates (actually reality has left all this far behind) since none of their hardware and software will be able to cope and that goes for the non-organic stuff as well!”

However its his quip about the ‘non-organic stuff’ not being able to cope that tickled us, implying that we humans aren’t capable of handling superfast speeds. We are too Pedro!

Obviously a Government Sockpuppet Account comment of the week – Queen’s Speech unveils UK internet communication snooping Bill

It’s a brave person who hides behind internet pseudonyms to insult people who write regularly for tech sites. Case in point is this courageous Anon, who derided our piece on the Communications Data Bill, which ended its public consultation period this week.

“Just stop trying to fight something you haven’t bothered with, nor understand completely… Trolling laws and what not, how are you supposed to get an honest reaction. Sorry but you won’t find many of your Sheeple online :)”

We’ve got a pretty good understanding of the situation actually. But don’t worry Anon – we see through your lies. You’re one of them, working for the Government aren’t you? Undercover cops. You can spot ‘em a mile off.

ALL IN CAPS LOCK COMMENT OF THE WEEK – BT calls in the marines to fix undersea fibre link hit by cable thieves

This story is a regular magnet for rage comments. This week we saw adrien mctiernan activating one of the most powerful weapons in the commeter’s arsenal – the Caps Lock key.

Talking about ways in which to avoid cable theft, adrien thundered thusly:


Good question. It’s definitely an advantage that satellite broadband has over fixed-line broadband, there being no physical line to steal. Top speeds available over cable will outstrip those on satellite in the long run though and the sooner thieves realise that you can’t smelt fibre optic cable the better.

It’s only now that we noticed that adrien declined to spell either of his names with capital letters…

Keep ‘em coming. We’ll reproduce the best of the below the line action every Saturday.


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