We’re closing in on the release of the new PS5 and Xbox Series X (and Series S) consoles, but how many of you still have old consoles from generations past just lying around? So, what should you do with them? These are our extremely serious suggestions that should definitely be taken seriously – Serious Edition*.
(*Disclaimer: This is not a serious list and what you should really do is donate your consoles to the remarkable Get Well Gamers charity if you’re able to. Get Well Gamers provide consoles to children’s hospitals, hospices and other facilities. It’s a truly worthy cause.)
With the impending console behemoths that are the PS5 and Xbox Series X, you’ll need to start making room for them and your pesky old PS4 and Xbox One consoles are only going to get in the way. Chucking your old consoles in the bin would be extremely wasteful, whilst trading them in is just boring. So, we’ve come up with some alternatives for the ageing tech.
Read this: Sony vs Microsoft? Series S or Digital Edition? Tell us which next-gen console you’re going to buy
For the vertically challenged, a booster seat
You go to the cinema or theatre (any auditorium-style experience) and some lanky irritant sits in front of you – there’s obviously only one thing for it. Whip out your newly disused Xbox or PlayStation and plonk your bot on its (hopefully) sturdy lid.
The same goes for working from home. If you don’t have one of those snazzy adjustable office chairs, simply place your console of your seat – problem solved.
A doorstop or bookend
While the new hefty consoles, much like gaming, would do a better job than the current crop, using your old consoles to keep your books neat or just to keep your door open is an absolute no brainer.
Books can get pretty heavy and what better than to make sure your magnificent Martin collection or Orwellian masterpieces don’t topple over. A simple bookend, you say? No, no, no, boring, no.
Same goes for a doorstop. Sure you could pick up a bland Swedish-made plain doorstop but being welcomed to your room by a games console really stamps your authority as the ultimate gamer.
A makeshift set of dumbbells
Self-improvement. A word you probably didn’t think you’d read in an article about getting rid of your old consoles but here we are.
Dumbbells can be expensive, especially ones that rival the weight of chonks like the PS4 Pro. Furthermore, the flat(ish) sides and angular edges make for some perfect surfaces to place your hand on while you get your curls in – and certainly not at all uncomfortable, obviously.
Sorting out a wobbly table or chair
We’ve all had our day marred by the discovery of an uneven table or chair. If you’re at home working or eating at a dinner table, you’ll be able to swiftly solve your woes by just whacking your old Xbox or PlayStation over the offending wobbler.
Even better, when you are out and about, you’ll no longer have to search around for the appropriate number of beer mats or menus to fix the issue in a bar or restaurant. Just take your console with you wherever you go and you’ve got a ready made solution.
A pillow (wait, don’t go, hear me out)
Now, I know all the solutions so far have been certified bangers so I thought I’d end with one that’s a bit out there. An Xbox One or PS4… as a pillow.
“Why would you do this?” “Who would want that?” I hear you say. Well, these are some completely unreasonable questions. Wise up.
As someone who likes a soft pillow, I’m befuddled by the UK masses who seem to prefer a firmer mattress. Well, the experience is only complete with a rigid pillow in tow, and to be honest, all the tops of these consoles are almost perfectly head sized – it’s as if the console developers planned this all along.
(Disclaimer: Once again, and now you’ve read it, this list isn’t to be taken too seriously. Make the most of your old consoles and donate them to the remarkable Get Well Gamers charity if you’re able. Get Well Gamers provide consoles to children’s hospitals, hospices and other facilities. It’s a truly worthy cause.)