When it comes to Super Smash Bros, there’s only so much suspension of disbelief that the human brain can take. The 2D antics of Mr Game and Watch? Sure. Isabelle absolutely destroying Solid Snake? Makes sense. Steve from Minecraft? You’ve got to be joking.
I’ve now played several rounds as Minecraft’s blocky hero, but even now my brain just can’t process seeing this low-res stick-figure interacting with Nintendo’s finest in a fully-realised 3D environment. It’s like some kind of sick joke, photoshopped together to send the Smash community into a frenzy before yet another Fire Emblem character is announced.
Of course, I’m writing this knowing full well that Steve could become my favourite Smash character yet. There’s no joy quite like seeing an opponent fail to get back on the stage because you’ve fenced it off with a wall of blocks. Truly, this is peak gaming in 2020.
It’s through the successful absurdity of Steve in Smash that I’m now thinking that Masahiro Sakurai might be some kind of God, capable of bringing any living being into Smash, no matter how wacky. With that in mind, I’m setting my sights high with the upcoming batch of Smash characters and believe me, nothing is off the table.
I’ll be honest, the most unlikely pick of this list is Master Chief. I have it on good authority that the folks at Nintendo become violently ill every time someone compares Metroid Prime to Halo, so that’s out the window.
If someone can get confirmation that Sakurai is a big fan of the Great British Bake Off, then I’m sure that the idea of adding Mary Berry to the roster has graced his thoughts at least one. I don’t want to step on Sakurai’s toes here, but Mrs Berry’s final smash should be entitled ‘the showstopper’, where a massive 40-tiered cake is dropped squarely on the head of any opponent. Ah, I’ve just received a cease and desist letter from Nintendo – maybe not then.