The limits of Batman’s endurance have finally been revealed, but the result might leave you disappointed and unfulfilled.
What could possibly be the one thing beyond the pale for Batman, the one task that the gothic hero could not force himself to do no matter how hard he tried? You might think that it’s on the tip of your tongue (and, well, in a sense it is), but it’s not something you’ll likely have predicted.
Justin Halpern, co-creator of the Harley Quinn cartoon series, revealed the eye-opening answer in an interview with Variety:
In this third season of Harley we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’
Despite what they say, I’m sure that plenty of toys would be sold if Bruce Wayne was remodelled as a sensitive and sensual ladies’ man. They just might be a different type of toy, and probably – hopefully – sold to a different audience than the 14 year old boys and middle aged men who generally stock up on plastic Batman figurines.
Ignoring the questionable sexual politics of DC Comics (which are hardly surprising from a brand so closely associated with Zack Snyder) what could the canonical reason be that Batman isn’t, err… a cunning linguist?
Is he just a plain old prude? This would certainly make some sense in light of his complete lack of humour and surprisingly barren love life (given his playboy billionaire status).
Maybe he’s an old-school misogynist who, after making a few of those incomprehensible guttural grunts he emitted in the Dark Knight trilogy, simply rolls over to his side of the bed without so much as mumbling “Sort yourself out, love”.
Or is it because, notwithstanding all his state of the art mapping technology, there’s still a certain something that Batman just can’t find by himself?
As Rhea Butcher pointed out on Twitter, in some ways his superhero costume would be uniquely well-suited for the task:
Why would Batman’s whole bottom face be open if he didn’t do oral, ridiculous— rb (@RheaButcher) June 14, 2021
Despite the reams of gadgets packed into his utility belt, perhaps it’s time that Batman shed some emotional baggage and started concentrating on something a little lower; maybe that would help rid him of the moody angst he currently deals with by beating baddies to a pulp and moping around in a cave.