The Royal Baby Foetus 2 is getting ready for his or her grand launch, but in the meantime here’s five apps that the wee tyke can enjoy with Wills and Kate.
Any day now, a glorious announcement is set to spread joy across the nation. That’s right: nine months ago, Prince Wills successfully got his lovely wife up the duff for a second time, and soon we’ll be blessed to see the sprog emerge in full glory at its own official launch ceremony – perhaps over the bank holiday weekend, thus justifying even more deranged levels of public alcohol abuse?
In fact, the Royal Baby 2 launch is much like an Apple iPhone launch. Both inspire fanatical levels of devotion from the general public, although one group celebrates by getting steaming drunk and dressing head-to-toe in Union Jacks, while the other group celebrates by queueing outside a store for several days.
Photos copyright CNN and IBNLive. Expect to see a lot of this crap soon.
Both the iPhone and new royal offspring also generate ridiculous numbers of hits for us website folk, so it seems only right that we combine the two into a glorious and shameless SEO-stroking feature. Here are the top five apps that the Royal Baby Foetus 2 might enjoy as it gets ready for the big day.
1. My Baby’s Beat
Using her iPhone’s mic, Kate can record the Royal Foetus 2’s heartbeat and share it with friends and royal relatives over social networks. The entitled embryo could show off his or her humorous side by tapping out a funny message in morse code against Kate’s womb. Or perhaps by playing Another Brick In The Wall backwards, sparking mass hysteria as the world believes the next royal nipper is actually the antichrist.
2. Prenatal Lullabies
Kate and Royal Foetus 2 can kick back with some tunes in quieter moments, thanks to the Prenatal Lullabies app. With a selection of sickly-sweet tunes such as ‘Mom’s Love’ and ‘Endless Blessings’, mother and baby can enjoy repurposed elevator music any time they like.
3. Classical Music for Babies
Alternatively, because wor Kate and Wills have a bit more class, being all royal and stuff, the new sprog will most likely prefer to chill with some old-old-old-school beats. It features all the classical greats, including ‘that one that goes bum-bum-biddy-bum-bum-bummmm-bum’ and ‘the one that Nas used as a loop in like ’99 or whatever’.
4. Pimp My Ultrasound
We all love sharing ultrasound pics online, but let’s face it, those blobby embryos all look pretty much the same. We can’t have the future almost-king-but-not-quite looking the same as us plebby ordinary folk, so thank the lord on high for Pimp My Ultrasound, which allows you to add hilarious accessories and speech bubbles to your foetus pics. Now the Royal Foetus 2 can look proper decked out in a crown and robes before he even squeezes his way out.
5. Fetal Sleep & Baby Kick Monitor
This virtual diary allows Kate to record every last kick and squirm as the Royal Foetus 2 grows, and she can even share the sprog’s ‘sleeping chart’ on Twitter, so fans can lose their s**t and coo over how amazing and smart the wee nipper already is.
Coming soon: Apple iPhone 6 vs Royal Baby Foetus 2, which is best?