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What’s the best phone for watching porn? (Video, NSFW)

When we review phones at Recombu we consider every aspect – but until today we’ve never asked the question that everyone’s gagging to know: which is the best phone for watching porn? 

We took four of the more grumble-friendly devices on the market – the HTC One (M8), the Sony Xperia Z1 Compact, the Samsung Galaxy S5 and the Apple iPhone 5S – and put them through their paces. Here’s how they measure up. 

What’s the best phone for watching porn? (Video, NSFW)

Screen Size: How much can you handle?

If you’re going to be hitting up Redtube, YouPorn or any other purveyor of grot, you’ll need to weigh up screen size and ergonomics. Nobody wants to be squinting at a bunch of rutting pixels – but you’ll also need to easily hold the phone in one hand. 

The HTC One M8 and Galaxy S5 have big circa 5-inch screens which provide a lot of detail, but could be a bit of a handful for some. 

For those who can’t handle that many inches, there’s the more manageable Sony Xperia Z1 Compact and Apple iPhone 5S, which have 4.3 and 4-inch screens respectively. 

Those with big hands (or a spare hand to help out) might appreciate phablets like the 5.7-inch Galaxy Note 3, but we think even the sizeiest of size queens will struggle here.  

For comparison, here is each phone’s screen size, plus resolution and the PPI (pixels per inch) count. 

  • HTC One (M8) – 5-inches, 1920 x 1080 (Full HD) – 441 PPI
  • Sony Xperia Z1 Compact – 4.3-inches, 1280 x 720 (720p HD) – 342 PPI
  • Samsung Galaxy S5 – 5.1-inches, 1920 x 1080 (Full HD) – 432 PPI
  • Apple iPhone 5S – 4-inches, 1136 x 640 – 326 PPI

As you can see, the HTC One (M8) has the highest PPI count, promising the most detail. Like we said, this might be too big for some, in which case you miht want to reach for the Z1 Compact – it’s got a slightly bigger screen than the iPhone 5S and it’s got a higher PPI count, while not being a total pocket monster. 

File transfer: How easy is it to side-load clips? 

If you’d rather load files your own personal porn collection rather than streaming them, then an Android phone might be the easier way to go. 

Moving files to your Galaxy S5 or Z1 Compact from your desktop is a simple case of plugging into a USB port, enabling mass storage mode and dragging the files into the ‘Movies’ folder of your phone. 

On the HTC One (M8), this is made a little tricker by the fact that HTC’s Sync Manager software launches whenever you plug your phone in a computer. While this lets you sync playlists from iTunes or Windows Media Player with some ease, it’s less useful for side loading files. Disable auto sync (or manually click ‘stop’) every time you plug it in to stop all of your files jumping over at once. Click on ‘HTC One_M8’ on the left-hand column, the click on the ‘Files’ tab. Find the file(s) you want on your desktop and drag and drop. It can take a good few minutes for the phone to update, so be patient. 

What’s the best phone for watching porn? (Video, NSFW)
What could be sexier than patiently waiting for a status bar to fill up?

In the event that your clips won’t play through the regular video player in your Android phone’s gallery, you might want to download MX Player from Google Play for free. 

Getting files onto your iPhone 5S is trickier. Chances are you didn’t get your porn clips from iTunes, so you may need to create a new version of any files you’ve acquired elsewhere so they’ll play on your phone. Alternatively, Dropbox, SugarSync or Box will let you remotely access files – although you’ll need a data connection to do so. If you want to directly transfer files, it might be easier to use an app like PhotoSync or Photo Transfer App

If you find that the files aren’t showing up in the regular video player, try the VLC app. 

The file formats officially supported by each phone is as follows 

  • HTC One (M8) – 3GP, 3G2, MP4, WMV, AVI, (MP4 ASP and MP3)
  • Sony Xperia Z1 Compact – 3GPP, MP4, M4V, MKV, AVI, XVID, WEBM
  • Samsung Galaxy S5 – MP4, M4V, 3GP, 3G2, WMV, ASF, AVI, FLV, MKV, WEBM
  • Apple iPhone 5S – M4V, MP4, MOV, M-JPEG

How do they all, erm, clean up? 

We stimulated simulated a ‘happy accident’ to see how well each phone would clean up. The oleophobic nature of the iPhone 5S’s screen came into its own here, as did the waterproofed Z1 Compact. Note that phones with speaker grilles are prone to catching any detritus, so keep that in mind if you’ve got a dodgy aim. 

Finally, for the avoidance of any doubt, we used a mixture of flour, milk and water to simulate this – we wouldn’t use the real thing. We’re not animals, for God’s sake. 

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