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Five ways your mobile phone could kill you


We take them with us everywhere we go and share our every thought with them – but could your phone be biding its time, patiently waiting for the opportunity to finish you off? Grab your tin-foil hat and let’s get paranoid with five ways your mobile phone could kill you.

Death by small parts
If we learned nothing else from Friends, we learned that adults are just as capable of swallowing small parts as kids (see Chandler, cross reference Krog, sonic blaster gun). There are plenty of swallowable bits and pieces in a mobile phone – especially if you take the back panel off and get rooting around with a screwdriver. Mistake a button for a bonbon and it could be game over.

Death by doofus
There is a multitude of idiotic ways to accidentally shuffle yourself off this mortal coil via your trusty handset. Perhaps you’re driving along and trying to read a text message – SMASH! Car crash. Or engrossed in an email while walking down the street – BAM! Fall down a hole. Got a nice phone? STAB! Knifed by a mugger.

Death by radiation
It’s not official, but repeatedly putting a radiation emitting device to your head for long periods of time might not be great for your brain. Research results vary so it might turn out to be perfectly safe – but if you want to freak yourself out, read this GQ article. Then calm yourself down with a reminder that phone radiation could protect against Alzheimer’s, at least in mice.

Death by exploding battery
There have been reports of spontaneous battery combustion throughout the ages. Sometimes they’re legit, sometimes they turn out to be urban legends. Rare it may be, but there’s always the possibility that you’ll be the next unlucky victim of the exploding battery. Whether it explodes at your ear, in your shirt pocket by your heart or a pocket near an even more sensitive area, it’s not looking good for your life expectancy.

Death by mobile phone lust
It’s not often that a new handset comes along and sparks phone-mania but we don’t reckon that’s too far off in the future. After all, that sedate line of phone geeks camping out to be the first to get their hands on the latest iPhone are just an ‘out of stock’ sign away from becoming a baying mob.

[Image credit: Joe Mckay]