There’s a reason I don’t drink tequila any more. Last time I imbibed said beverage, it ended with me stripping down to my jeans, convinced I was the King of Spain, charging at shopping trolleys, Don Quixote style. Needless to say, it was a long time ago.
Lame Castle isn’t set in Spain, and nor does the little knight you command tilt at windmills. But there’s something about his relentless dashing that reminded me of my ill-advised tequila binge. He actually spends most of his time tilting at haystacks, chicken coops and inflatable castles, all in aid of wooing a rosy-cheeked maiden. Like you do.
It makes about as much sense as thinking you’re a Spanish ruler and that trolleys are thine enemy. Only it doesn’t result in bruises, a hangover and a haunting sense of regret. And at 59p/60p a throw on iTunes and the Android Market, it’s a darn sight cheaper too.
Gameplay-wise it’s very similar to Robot Unicorn Attack, right down to the controls and the three lives limit. Tap the left hand side of the screen to jump and again to perform a mid-air double jump, and tap on the right to execute a dash attack.
The only difference besides the faux-medieval setting is that there are 24 levels to get through; unlike Robot Unicorn Attack, your dreams might actually come true.
Those who want more of an arcade-style experience can check out any of the four Endless Modes, where you rack up as many points as you can ‘til you die/fall asleep.
Knights-in-training can try their hands at either of the free versions available for iPhones (iOS 3.1.3 and above) and Android devices (2.2 Froyo minimum). These both give you a handful of free levels and access to the Endless modes.
Accomplished jousters from House Apple and House Android can purchase full editions for 59p and 60p respectively. Bottles of tequila optional.