Nintendo has launched its first official mobile ‘game’, Miitomo, after much teasing and speculation, and we couldn’t be more disappointed. Here’s why.
1. Miitomo isn’t really a ‘game’
No, it’s more stupid Mii crap, as if the name wasn’t already a massive giveaway. Instead of pulse-pounding platform fun, you get to talk to other Miis via your own Mii. So basically Miitomo is like a messaging app, but no doubt a hundred times more clunky and irritating.
2. The dreaded in-app payments
Miitomo will thankfully be free to download to your mobile device (we don’t know exact compatibility just yet, although you can expect Android and iOS both to be supported). However, from what we’ve heard, in-app purchases are likely to be a thing. Presumably you’ll be able to throw a couple of quid at Nintendo to dress your Mii up in some fetching short shorts or ridiculous hats.
3. We won’t be seeing this or any proper Nintendo mobile games for bloody ages
Miitomo isn’t coming to our mobile devices until March 2016, with just four more Nintendo titles following before March 2017. If not even one of those is an actual game, preferably starring a moustachioed plumber physically abusing turtles while knocking back mushrooms, then we might very well cry. And kick a bin or something.