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How to take a really f*cking awesome selfie

Love ’em or loathe ’em, selfies are here to stay. If you’re gonna take a selfie, you might as well take the most bad-ass, batsh*t-crazy selfie possible, so here’s how to jazz up those solo shots.

Sony’s AR Mask: Turn yourself into a cat/gorilla/bizarre sexual hybrid

Sony has delighted kiddies for years now by adding dinosaurs, gnomes and even Spiderman into photos taken on its Xperia smartphones. However, these AR modes have been well and truly trumped by Sony’s latest effort, the AR Mask mode found on the Xperia Z3+.

You can actually turn yourself into a cat. A mother****ing cat.

And if that’s not freaky enough, you can also merge your face with anyone else’s mug, as long as you have a photo of them. Including someone of the opposite sex, or a completely different ethnicity. Check out this horrifying gallery to see what I look like as a man-woman, or an elderly black lady.

Sony’s Style Portrait: Add real-time weirdness to your mug

Another Sony slice of genius, again found on the Xperia Z3+. The Style Portrait mode allows you to add real-time effects to your face, such as fake lipstick, creepy blue eyes and even a suntan, if you can’t pay for the ol’ Essex Orange.

One Direction Selfies

Fans of Harry and the other people in the band One Direction (I’m honestly not pretending I don’t know their names, I’m just 32 and ignorant) can now pose for selfies with their favourite hunks, using the Selfie One Direction app. If you manage to keep it from crashing for more than 30 seconds, you too can create stunning, sexual pics like this:

Beauty Mode to the max

Of course, if your mug is terrifying enough to give Darth Vader night terrors, you might need a face ‘enhancing’ feature to sort it out – and luckily, most Asian handsets now sport some kind of beauty mode. Samsung’s Galaxy S6 has a post-shoot beauty mode hidden away in its photo editing feature, so you can even spruce up existing photos.

Just go to the shot you want to polish, tap ‘Edit’ and then select ‘Portrait’. You can blow up your eyes, make yourself super-pale and smooth out those blemishes like a pro. Trouble is, you’ll probably end up looking like one of them Men In Black aliens, doing a piss-poor impression of a human being.

Bonus shout out: Mortal Kombat’s take on the selfie

Mortal Kombat X introduces new character Cassie Cage (Johnny and Sonja’s daughter), who rocks one of the best fatalities of all time. After smushing in her opponent’s face, Cassie grabs their still-twitching corpse by the scruff of the neck and poses for a particularly horrifying selfie shot. Nice.

Got any selfie tips? Let us know in the comments below.

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