Samsung may be one of the best phone manufacturers around right now, but it sure is hilariously terrible at naming the colours of its mobile tech. However, the Korean giant seriously slipped up with its creative naming for the Galaxy S6, so a fresh new stab at surrealism is needed for 2016’s Galaxy S7.
You might think that Apple is bad enough when it comes to colours, with its ‘space grey’ making absolutely no sense at all (space black, fair enough, but grey?) and of course the wonderful ‘rose gold’ prompting many cries of ‘isn’t it just pink?’
But Samsung is the true king of stupid colour names. Just witness the Galaxy S4, which came in a range of hues including ‘Blue Arctic’, ‘Purple Mirage’, ‘Red Aurora’, ‘Brown Autumn’ and our favourite, ‘Pink Twilight’. Because presumably labelling them ‘blue’ and ‘pink’ would have been too common.
This run of form continued with the Galaxy S5, which cropped up in ‘Charcoal Black’ (still an improvement on the previous year’s ‘Black Frost’, which sounds like some wanky Marvel villain) and ‘Shimmer White’, which literally means nothing at all.
However, 2015’s Galaxy S6 saw Samsung’s creative juices spent on the top-class hardware instead, with some pretty lacklustre colour names. ‘Emerald Green’, ‘White Pearl’ and ‘Blue Topaz’ were all sadly generic and almost sensible choices.
Here at Recombu we like to help out wherever possible, so here’s a list of potential names for next year’s Galaxy S7 smartphone. Feel free to use whichever ones you like, Samsung. Maybe just give us a credit on the box or something.
Good names for the Samsung Galaxy S7’s colour range
Regretful Sex Turquoise
Badger’s Glare Black
Cheeky Nandos Yellow
Oh My God No She Didn’t Purple
Half-Hearted W*nk Amber
Just Discovered Your Daughter Is A Porn Star Red
Boyhood Brah, That Film Was Freaking Amazing, So Life Affirming Orange
All Of My Life I’ve Taken Sh*t From These Pointless Pricks Who Think They’re Better Than Me But Not Anymore, Today I’m Marching Into That Office And Telling Them All To Go F*ck Themselves And Then I’m Finding A Goddamn Job That Doesn’t Demean My Very Existence Every Single Goddamn Day Puce