All Sections

The make of your mobile phone has no impact on your sex life

Yesterday, the whole news-starved internet went crazy over a piece of research which found that iPhone users have more sex than Android or BlackBerry owners.

Yes, that arbitrary decision you made to get an iPhone is paying off because, at 30 years old, you’ll have amassed an array of sexual partners to rival even that of Hugh Hefner. Well, ok, not quite – a basic chart published by ‘researchers’ OK Cupid suggests you’ll have had 12.3 sex buddies if you’re an iPhone-owning lady and exactly 10 if you’re a man.

There’s the chart on the right; knock yourselves out.

It’s worth noting, at this point, that I am an iPhone owner. I also own an Android phone and a BlackBerry. Ignoring for now the popular opinion that anyone with three phones on the go probably isn’t having any sex at all, it’s time to point out that your mobile phone has nothing to do with your sex life.

Now gather ’round, as I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes, when a company wants news outlets to write about them even though there’s nothing new to say, they’ll do some ‘research’. This isn’t real research. It’s not contributing to the curing of cancer or pertinent to the well-being of the human race in any way, we call it PR fluff.

The company in question will come up with an idea that’s interesting enough to intrigue journalists and readers that can also be loosely related back to their own product – like, for example, we make HATS but people care much more about seducing CELEBRITIES, so our research should find that the more HATS you have, the more likely you are to marry a CELEBRITY.

In this case, OKCupid wanted to talk to TECH SAVVY PEOPLE about DATING. Everyone cares about SEX and is vaguely interested in PHONES so, even though there’s no relation between the two, let’s see how much SEX people are having and what PHONES they use and say they’re related. The geeks will lap that up.

And lap that up they did, despite the fact that it’s utterly arbitrary data. It doesn’t matter that it’s factually accurate; your mobile phone still has no bearing on your sex life. I could do a survey tomorrow and find that 80% of astronauts eat fish fingers once a month, it wouldn’t mean that eating fish fingers once a month will help you to get a job as an astronaut. Just as buying an iPhone won’t get your more sex, nor will buying an Android phone make you less attractive to potential partners.

If Johnny Depp had an Android phone, would that really put any hot-blooded young lady (or chap, in some cases) off? If you met a nice lady in a bar, would her whipping out a BlackBerry make you think twice about pursuing her? No. The crucial elements in sexual attraction are not ‘what kind of phone does he/she have?’ but ‘Is this guy fit? Can this girl make me laugh? Is this person willing? Do they have a pulse?’ Things like personal grooming, confidence and generally being nice will help too.

So please ignore this research unless you’re going to roundly abuse it for being the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard. But if, as an Android owner, none of my very valid points have made any difference and you’re still feeling blue then just remember this: Symbian users didn’t even make the chart.

Comments