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Guantanamo Bay and Chocolate Teapots: Digital Voices 06/10/2012

This week has been a milestone for broadband – Everything Everywhere announced that the 30th of October will be the launch date for its 4G services, Ofcom, culture secretary Maria Miller and the remaining UK networks have agreed to get on with the 4G auction – neatly bypassing any messy legal action – and BT is poised to start work on the first rural locations in North Yorkshire.

But what’s been getting your goat this week? The usual stuff it seems; gripes about cable thieves, BT Openreach, and other people’s attempts at comedy.

This is Digital Voices for 06/10/2012…

Guantanamo Bay and Chocolate Teapots: Digital Voices 06/10/2012

Why hasn’t BT Openreach fixed my broadband?

BT Openreach, like the BBC and the Post Office is one of those monolithic British institutions that everyone loves to hate. If people’s broadband speeds are suffering, it’s BT’s fault for not investing enough/properly/20 years ago. If you can’t get fibre from anyone else but BT or Virgin Media it’s BT’s fault. If it buckets down with rain and BT has to hire extra engineers to reconnect people’s phone lines after the floods washed them away it’s still BT’s fault.

Commenting on a story about the areas that have been affected by the recent bad weather, the charitble Simon Falla said:

“I’m sorry to say, that in my experience..BTOpenreach (the Untouchables) are as useful as a chocolate Teapot….So don’t hold ya breath m8”

Maybe BT could teach Simon how to use the full stop and shift keys on his keyboard. It’d still probably be BT’s fault.

Tesco’s £2.50 unlimited broadband: what’s it worth?

If it’s not griping about BT or whoever, people love to gripe at each other, picking over holes in grammar, logic or poor spelling. In the case of Rob, we see a masterful taking apart of someone else’s attempt at sarcasm. The following comment is best read aloud in the voice of Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer:

“If you’d spent more time doing some research and less time trying to be an internet comedian and legend in your own lunchtime you’d have known that there are many countries around the World that Tescos trade in… and many countries their UK insurance covers you for if you ring them to get a quote for a specific journey.”

Have at you sir. Though we have to take points from Rob for his uncalled for capitalisation of the word ‘world’.

BT calls in the marines to fix undersea fibre link hit by cable thieves

This is another old story of ours, one which often attracts criticism for ‘misleading headlines,’ usually from people who don’t understand hyperbole.

However cable theft is a thorny issue that really rubs people up the wrong way. We’ve had calls for deportation and capital punishment and now this suggestion from one tjbr:

“People caught messing with infrastructure such as this should be tried and convicted for terrorism acts and either deported to guantanamo or imprisoned for life. Make them think twice.”

While we’re nominally opposed to cable theft as much as the next person we reckon Guantanamo might be a shade too far.

BT’s killer RABIT foils copper cable thieves

A comment goldmine on Recombu Digital, people can’t get enough of BT’s RABIT (Rapid Assessment BT Incident Tracker) and its perp-nabbing skills. While we’ve had people talking about deportation to prison camps, SOHAN L.SHARMA has a less punitive measure, but that hasn’t stopped the might CAPS LOCK KEY from being invoked.


From one extreme to the other – while we’re not for the Guantanamo option, we don’t think that the King James Edition option would work either.

That’s our cream of the crop for this week – got anything you need to get off your chest in the comments? Broadband not broad enough? Openreach not opening up enough? Read through our news and features, let us know how you feel in the comments. Witty, insightful and humourous efforts will make their way to Digital Voices, but be warned – if you criticise someone for sloppy typing while committing a spelling boo boo of your own then the mods (us) will descend with impunity.