Apple’s next big launch event is tonight, so why not indulge in some horrific alcohol abuse with our satisfyingly stupid drinking game?
Apple launches can be rather dry if you’re not a tech obsessive, not to mention long. Even the shortest Apple event comes dangerously close to nudging the two-hour mark, making them just as long as the Steve Jobs movie which chronicles his entire bloody life.
So to make Apple launches more fun, we devised this handy drinking game. Every time something in the below lists happens on stage, down the recommended amount of your favourite booze. By the end, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be emptying your entire stomach contents, and chances are you won’t remember much about whatever it was that Apple launched. Win, win.
Apple launch event drinking game: Take a sip if…
Zane Lowe gets on your tits
You hear a Taylor Swift song
Tim Cook mentions a statistic
Someone looks smug
The audience claps for no real reason
You spot someone in the audience who looks asleep
Apple launch event drinking game: Take a gulp if…
An Apple boffin slags off/has a subtle dig at Samsung or Google
You see an Apple slogan that’s utterly meaningless (‘bigger than bigger’; ‘this changes everything’ etc)
There’s an awkward skit involving gormless smiling celebrities
Jony Ive says something that you don’t understand/makes up a word
The audience cheers for no real reason
Someone reveals a feature that Android has had for ages like it’s truly revolutionary
Apple launch event drinking game: Down your drink if…
Tim Cook makes a knob joke
U2 appears (actually, screw it – if you see Bono, turn the launch off and down all of the booze in your house)
Remember, drinking excessively is bad for you, kiddies. You should absolutely ignore this Apple launch event drinking game and be sensible and stuff.