We look back at the ‘best’ apps of 2008 when the iPhone was first released, to show just how crap apps used to be back in the day.
These days you can download millions of great iPhone apps from Apple’s App Store, to help rescue rubbish photos or keep parents sane or point out awesome restaurants and attractions in your area. Why, they can even help save your life in a hostage situation or allow you to chat with complete strangers as you take a dump. Lovely.
But when the iPhone first launched, the selection of apps was, to put it bluntly, piss poor. Here’s our pick of the ‘best’ apps from back in the day.
Carling put out the iPint app soon after the iPhone’s birth, and we never got tired of seeing people pretend to drink a virtual pint, which drains before your eyes thanks to the app’s accelerometer support. Comedy gold, on a par with Mrs Brown’s Boys.
Suddenly appropriate again thanks to the release of a certain Hollywood blockbuster (that’s right, we’re talking about The Peanuts Movie), PhoneSaber is similar to iPint in that it gives you a virtual lightsaber to wave about the place. It glows and it makes that shhummm, shhhummmmmm sound like in the movie.
Here’s a video of two grown men having a PhoneSaber battle over Skype.
Starting to notice a theme yet?
No prizes for figuring out that iShave is a virtual shaver that makes ‘realistic’ shaving sounds. “Fool your friends by pretending you’re shaving with your iPhone” screams the official app description.
Of course, if your friends are actually fooled by this app into thinking that the iPhone is physically capable of trimming beard hair, then they are officially brain-dead morons and should probably be put out of their misery.
4. Koi Pond
Do you like looking at fish, but don’t own any fish? Well, you can finally complete your worthless existence by staring at pretend fish swimming around a virtual pond instead.
5. Meow Cam
Got a cat? Like taking photos of your cat? Of course you bloody do, and I bet you post a fresh bunch up on Facebook every ten minutes, don’t you? “Here’s my cat sat on my keyboard, oops, haha, how am I going to get any work done now?” You make me physically sick.
Anyway, if your feline friend refuses to even look at you as you attempt to take a snap, check out Meow Cam. This pointless app makes a meow sound to attract your cat’s attention, so you can take loads of awesome photos with them gazing adoringly at you. Or just staring blankly at you, wondering how delicious your innards will taste when you finally drop dead.
6. The Ocarina
No doubt made popular thanks to that popular Zelda game, The Ocarina is just a virtual wind instrument which can be played by fingering the on-screen holes and blowing into your iPhone’s mic. No one is good at playing The Ocarina, which makes it a great way to annoy the piss out of everyone else in the room.
Drawing penises on a steamy window or mirror never gets old, right? Well, why go to the hassle of running a bath every time you want to practice your knob sketching skills? Why not download this amazing app, which acts as a digital steamy surface? We personally can’t think of a better use for a £500 smartphone.
Of course, crap apps – or Crapps, as we dub them here at Recombu Towers – are still very much alive and stinking up the App Store. Check out our video series on the worst of the worst: